Have you ever felt so damn lousy in your life, that you just feel like giving up?
Well, I have.
This entire week was just BAD. There were four tests this week, Wednesday math, Thursday GP package test and Biology test, Friday Chem test on ionic equilibrium and chem. Equilibrium.
Well, I slept at 230am last night trying to prepare myself for the chem test today.
Now, you would think oh! Wow, so hardworking, hard work pays off!
Well, just to tell you, hard work doesn’t in JC; it’s just time management and brains. Sometimes I just feel like crying, people don’t understand how I feel inside. They think that I’m setting too high expectations for myself; well I’m telling you I’m not.
I EXPECT results from my hard work, but, no. I FAIL OR BARELY PASS.
I did all my tutorials, I read through all my notes, and yet what? This guy who only studied one hour the day before the test gets the highest in class. While I slogged my eyes out the night before.
This world is unfair. It doesn’t give things to people who truly deserve it or those that tried to do their best but still did badly.
They should be appreciated for their effort, sometimes I really hate the educational system, and it just demoralizes me. Sadly to say, it inculcated in me a kiasu attitude, where I feel so lousy when I lose or do badly. Meritocracy, it kills us.
Hard work, don’t always generate results and now I know that, and that’s a sad thing.
I HATE JC. I never felt so lousy in my entire life, all the deadlines, stress and exams and hw, its killing me, one day, I’m going to burst. I SWEAR.
There’s one word that is constantly playing through my head, FAILURE. FAILURE. FAILURE. FAILURE. I don’t get it how some people don’t put in that much effort but still do better than me? I feel so INJUSTICED.
Maybe next time I should just not study so much, relax, and take it easy. So that I won’t feel so bad when I do badly. BUT THE POINT IS THAT I CAN’T AFFORD TO. I cannot keep on thinking oh, when I finally put in effort my grades will jump, so I constantly put in effort, but I don’t see any RESULTS.
My choir senior told me to not give up, that constant work is a good habit. But, constant work that don’t give me what I want, I rather it be a bad habit.
PERSISTENCE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS, TOTAL RUBBISH.
Damn, I missed the show. After promos then, hopefully I don’t miss you so much. Just not fated to watch and spend our last date together, I suppose two months is not THAT long right? Damn, LIFE IS SOOOOO UNFAIR. Bad things just keep happening one after another, I feel I feel I feel like …crying.
HI ANTHEA